Today, my friends, marks a momentous occasion here at “The Slick Sumbich”. It is my 45th post.
“Why” you ask, “is the 45th post so significant?”
Well, I’ll tell you.
For 45 days, I have unwaveringly given you greedy bastards advice on how to get laid, given you a male’s perspective on certain topics, and have shared with you my lurid sexual affairs.
After 45 days, I need a day off.
Today, it’s your turn to give me some advice. Whether it be of the sexual nature, how to apply blush evenly, or how I should arrange Trisha’s panty drawer.
I don’t care, just give me some advice, any kind on any topic will help me.
I knew I could count on my greedy bastard friends.
Why am I taking the day off? Because I’m taking my son to the golf course. A movie will be posted tomorrow! Seriously, I’ll be mad if you don’t come back to view it. It’s the weekend, like you folks have anything better to do. I mean, who wouldn’t want to see a Tiger Woods in the making and I’m not talking about my son.
Christina (the preacherman’s wench) has advised me that I need to broaden my porn collection. I took her advice. (See? I take advice!)
Damn, “Sexy” and “Perfect”!
You folks have a good one.
March 9, 2007 at 8:23 am |
Love that you’ve ‘broadened’ your porn colection!
You are messed up! I love it!
My advice: Don’t get too drunk and try to steal the flags from all the holes at the golf course. They frown upon that behavior, trust me, I know!
March 9, 2007 at 9:02 am |
My advice is to upgrade your porn collection!
March 9, 2007 at 9:15 am |
You want advice? How about don’t eat yellow snow.
Enjoy your day of golf.
March 9, 2007 at 9:44 am |
My advice is to always wear clean underwear when leaving the house. I don’t know why, but that’s what my mom always told me.
March 9, 2007 at 9:51 am |
Plant your corn early, and never take wooden nickels. That’s all I got really. Honestly, I’m lucky if I can remember to get dressed in the mornings.
March 9, 2007 at 9:58 am |
have a good day!! only 45 days, you rookie.
March 9, 2007 at 10:03 am |
You haven’t posted daily.
My advice is do not use near the tub. And always wear sunscreen. The sunscreen is bonus advice.
March 9, 2007 at 10:59 am |
My advice is to teach your son the right way use a ball cleaner. (On the golf course, you perv!)
March 9, 2007 at 11:07 am |
Keep out of the panty drawer. Don’t you know that girls hide stuff there?
March 9, 2007 at 11:25 am |
Here’s nelly’s advice for you . . .
ALWAYS put the toilet seat down!
Oh, and a bonus tip . . .
Make sure your pink thong isn’t showing above your pants today when you bend down to pick up your balls!
March 9, 2007 at 11:46 am |
my advice is to get rid of your porn collection.
March 9, 2007 at 12:35 pm |
I don’t know what you are saying, I got stuck looking at sexy and perfect. Are they a comedy troup?
March 9, 2007 at 12:55 pm |
The OTHER Trish
Don’t eat rocks.
Don’t take naps in the road.
Don’t stoke fires with your fingers.
Don’t throw a brick straight up.
Don’t breathe car exhaust.
If you ever meet the President, don’t offer him the surprise gift of a firearm by whipping it suddenly out of your coat pocket.
For all pertinent tasks, use a hammer, not your fist.
Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.
Don’t stargaze with friends on a hilltop in a thunderstorm and use metal fishing rods as pointers.
The stuff on the bottom of your shoe is not for internal consumption.
If you need to get somewhere, and a freight train heading in the direction you’re traveling just happens to be nearby, resist the urge to stand in front of it and grab hold as it passes.
If you want to pound on the radiator to tell the landlord to turn up the heat, don’t do it with your head.
Don’t flip off the Mafia.
If you’re riding a bicycle down a hill, turn your head before you spit.
Wash behind your ears, not behind your eyes.
Light birthday cake candles from back to front.
Don’t shave with a lawn mower.
Just because your body has orifices doesn’t mean you should put things into them.
Don’t stick screwdrivers into electrical outlets.
Although they are sold in grocery stores, batteries are not food. Do not break them open and drink what’s inside.
The warning “Don’t try this at home” really means “Don’t try this at all.”
Don’t bathe in a tub full of snow.
Don’t iron clothes while wearing them.
The expression “Life in the fast line” should not inspire you to live in the road.
Don’t eat hot coals.
Don’t escape in to jail.
Don’t wash floors with cough syrup.
Don’t kick porcupines with bare feet.
Don’t sled down hills with interstates at the bottom.
Sell at most one of your kidneys.
Don’t lie down in a cattle pen.
Forks need carry food no farther than your mouth.
Don’t test the strength of your skull with a nail gun.
Only squeeze the handle end of a sword.
Don’t snap towels at passing cops.
Don’t throw an angry cat straight up.
Don’t lick dry ice.
Before you leap upside down onto a trampoline, make sure it’s right side up.
Don’t pour salt in your eyes.
Your body has the correct number of holes in it. Don’t make any more.
Don’t microwave yourself.
Don’t chase a bear into the woods to get a close-up photo.
Don’t swallow toothpaste.
Don’t chew Tylenol.
Don’t bathe in gasoline.
Don’t sneak up to a stallion and whack it on the rump.
Don’t drink water that comes from swimming pools, puddles, bathtubs, dishpans, sewage pipes, radiators, oceans, acid rain, or toilet bowls.
Don’t stick body parts into electrical outlets.
Don’t listen to music from the Spice Girls.
Don’t lick toads, bulls, or jellyfish.
Don’t go swimming in a well.
Rake leaves, not people.
Shovels are for digging holes in the ground, not the floor of your house.
Contrary to popular opinion, you’re not supposed to strip the protective rubber coating off electrical wires before plugging them in.
If you want to chew gum, buy some. Don’t use the gum from underneath the seats at restaurants and movie theaters even though it’s free.
Don’t kick stone walls very hard without wearing thick-soled shoes or boots.
Even if you need to get downstairs quickly, don’t jump out of a window — use the stairs.
When using an acetylene torch, don’t feel the flame to see if it’s sufficiently hot.
Better yet, stay away from acetylene torches altogether.
Walking barefoot in the sand is good. Walking barefoot on a cactus is bad.
Elvis is dead. Get over it.
Wear clothes.
Use a pot holder when removing items from the oven.
If you’re on a ball field and someone shouts “Heads up!” don’t actually raise your head up. Cover it with your arms and duck.
Don’t drink.
Don’t drive.
Don’t tie yourself to an airplane propeller.
Don’t brush your teeth with a wire-bristled sanding wheel.
When using a weed whacker, don’t hold the end with the wire.
When using a blow gun — something you should always have a very good reason for doing anyway — draw your breath before placing your lips around the barrel.
No matter how tempting it is to be one with nature, stay on the outside of all fences at the zoo.
Give me all your money.
When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat end.
Toasters should be used to cook bread, not your hands.
That should get you through the day, yeah?
Moron.
March 9, 2007 at 1:15 pm |
holy shit she talks alot…. my advice to you, dont fry bacon naked, trust me!!!!!!!
March 9, 2007 at 1:54 pm |
Don’t let E fry bacon naked. TRUST ME!!!!!!!!!!
March 9, 2007 at 3:57 pm |
for one, don’t organize trish’s panty drawer.
March 9, 2007 at 4:38 pm |
Holy Shitake! that Other Trish pretty much summed it all up din’t she?
I liked the “moron” at the end especially.
March 9, 2007 at 5:03 pm |
don’t stand in a ditch and pee uphill
March 9, 2007 at 8:41 pm |
Suzie Q, you know you want me to fry bacon for you.
March 10, 2007 at 12:17 pm |
I agree with E….Never Fry Bacan Naked!
March 10, 2007 at 4:48 pm |
I told you before E that you only need men for 2 things. One of those things involves getting naked, but it is NOT frying bacon.
March 10, 2007 at 9:40 pm |
LOL!! You do make me laugh!!
LBC
March 11, 2007 at 8:15 pm |
wow, there is no way in hell I can beat The Other Trish! she said it all , I think.
March 11, 2007 at 9:22 pm |
The best place for porn is the empornium… I dont wanna post the url here, but you’ll have to trust me, or ask me. My site has a lot of great non-porn. I need to bookmark this site because our sites definitely have a lot in common.
I’ve even blogged about frying bacon naked. Uncanny.
March 14, 2007 at 10:15 am |
That picture clearly discribes a post I did rather recently about fat america, don’t you think?
Cosmo called they want you to write man advice for them. Call’em back.