Women age faster than men. It’s the truth. I’ll reveal some facts which you won’t be able to deny and I’ll have you nodding your head in agreement whether you’re male or female.
First things first, I’m always right. Remember that.
Females are now entering puberty at the age of 9. I saw that shit on the news last night. Seriously, that’s wild.
I’m drinking a Dr. Pepper and eating cotton candy for breakfast. I’m 36.
See? That’s one fact.
The other fact to believe that women age faster than men is the health and beauty aisles at Wal Mart, drugstores, grocery stores…wherever. There are 8 aisles devoted to skin revitalizers, eyeliners, skin moisturizers, oxen dung for a “younger face” for women.
Men have one aisle.
And that’s the aspirin section that helps with the dealing of aging women.
That’s fact two.
And now for fact three. Make-up has one purpose only. To hide what I’ve been telling you.
Women age faster than men, period.
Tell me I’m lying now.
You can’t.
The OTHER Trish? When do people start voting for that award thingy?
March 8, 2007 at 8:43 am |
You are correct. Women do mature faster than men. Mainly because someone has to be the grown-up, and we all know it won’t be y’all!
As for aging and looking like hell before our time, that, again, is y’alls fault. Since we have to be the grown-ups and worry about everything, the stress gets to us and sucks our vitality dry. Hence we look like Renee Zellweger with no make-up!
But we still love ya’!
March 8, 2007 at 8:46 am |
Oh, and the starting the period thingy at 9 years old…..that would be from all the hormones that are fed to animals to make them mature faster so they can breed or go to slaughter sooner.
But that does not stop me from eating a filet mignon whenever I want one!
March 8, 2007 at 8:58 am |
oh yeah blame it on the animals. men work more and stay younger longer, and with viagra we can go on forever. when my wife turns 40 im going to trade her in on two 20 year olds.
March 8, 2007 at 9:04 am |
I agree with Dixie. Women age faster cause of men. Men are so stressful, but we need them. Well actually there are sperm banks, so I guess we really don’t. Hell who am I kidding. I love me some men.
March 8, 2007 at 9:07 am |
I can’t argue, but I can’t agree, either. Sorry.
March 8, 2007 at 9:20 am |
that was just plain mean to show that pic of renee. What’s frightening is that I look like that 99% of the time!
and yes.. I blame it on MEN too. You all are weird and suck.
March 8, 2007 at 9:35 am |
1) I was a late bloomer. And I sometimes eat cookies for breakfast. Does that count for anything?
2) What are these aisles you are referring too? I never buy that crap.
3) Also don’t wear make-up.
What does that make me?
March 8, 2007 at 9:37 am |
Yes, we women age faster than men – is it fair, no! I think it’s from the stress we put ourselves through over men. Oh and as for the period thing – yep it’s from the hormones injected into the animals/meat we’re consuming. Scary thing I agree!
March 8, 2007 at 9:49 am |
Yep, it’s true. I’m not gonna call you a liar, nor will I get all mad and shit.
And, I have nothing witty to say about it either. So how is that different from any other day? Ummm, it’s not.
March 8, 2007 at 10:17 am |
I like Dr. Pepper. I’m not so keen on oxen dung. But, if it will keep me young, I will buy it.
March 8, 2007 at 10:19 am |
Dixie-
Somehow, I knew men would be at fault!
E.-
Aaahh yeah, Viagra. We’ll stay young forever!
Reba-
Uh huh…see? Another female blamin’ men
Shelli-
So I’m halfway right??
Sandi-
It ain’t MENs fault!
Lynda-
Well, you get some brownie points but women age faster than men naturally. make up is just a cover up.
River Rat-
Men, men, men. Ya’ll crazy.
Julie-
Holy shit, I left you without anything witty to say? You should see my ego right now.
March 8, 2007 at 10:20 am |
Mist-
lol…only you girl. I’ll sell you some K-9 dung if you’d like to try it?
March 8, 2007 at 10:30 am |
in her defense, the pic where she looks good is a professional pic – with the perfect make-up and lighting and all that. the other pic is her out and about minding her own beeswax and being normal, no makeup crappy hair and all, she is still a beautiful woman. but women do age faster, i have to agree. but if you take care of all of it, then sometimes you get lucky and look 23 when you are really 33.
March 8, 2007 at 10:42 am |
My brain hurts.
March 8, 2007 at 10:45 am |
Slick, I don’t visit those isles, and I don’t wear make-up. I get mistaken for someone in my early 20’s all the time, I’m actually in my mid-30’s. What’s my secret? I’m single! No man to send me to an early grave.
March 8, 2007 at 10:47 am |
It wouldn’t matter what age Renee Zellwager is – she’s always been dog ugly to me. Puffy cheeks and slits for eyes along with that stupid mouth pose she does. ug. that one picture up there is her in all her cracked out ho glory.
And I don’t know what you’re talking about – I don’t use any of that shit on all those aisles either. I’m perfect without it!
March 8, 2007 at 10:51 am |
Just like a lot the women said on here, it’s mens’ faults that we age faster. Plain.and.simple.
March 8, 2007 at 11:06 am |
The OTHER Trish
SOME women might age faster. I don’t. I refuse to. I don’t wear all that make up crap. I’m fucking adorable just the way I am. Pfft.
Oh, and as for that voting thing? I don’t know.. it’s messed up to me.. so I’m off scouting for more awards. I’ll nominate you as much as possible.. then let you know where I’ve nominated you… then you can nominate me, too.
Between the two of us, we’ll end up with some kick ass awards. 
Have you checked to see if you’re an A or B list Blog-ebrity yet?? 
March 8, 2007 at 11:08 am |
So, inquiring minds want to know…….
What happened last night with the funky smell & the torn up shit??
March 8, 2007 at 11:11 am |
Renee Z? That is who you post a photo of? Ew. Expand your porn gallery, Slick.
March 8, 2007 at 11:21 am |
Yikes… those two pictures of Renee Zellweger side by side should have come with a warning!
The thing about women is that they tend to care more about aging than men… so even if a man doesn’t age as fast as his female counterpart, she could actually look better than him.
March 8, 2007 at 12:18 pm |
Slick – we just get better with age…..count your blessings !!!
have a great weekend dude – I am off tomorrow and I am planning on partying like a rock star this weekend, so if I am not incarcerated I’ll check in with ya on Monday…..
Hugs, Meg
March 8, 2007 at 12:34 pm |
Amazing what airbrush and makeup can do!!!
March 8, 2007 at 12:37 pm |
Jodes-
C’mon…ain’t no defendin’ her. Some women can pull off the “age-defying” thing remarkably well, I can’t deny that.
BID-
But I’ve convinced you, right?
Amy-
Wait, it could be from all that gym visiting you do
Ha! Well, uh…I’m thinking of deleting your comment because you’re proving all those other commenters right. This is not so good for my ego!
Southern Sweetheart-
Well, still …it proves my case anyway!
Chels-
Yeah, yeah, yeah…women just want scapegoats.
OTHER Trish-
I know, that one site has me all confused.
Julie-
Hhhmm…well, my mood could be the whole reason for this post. Sublime female bashing.
Well, it’s not so sublime anymore is it?
Christina-
Well, she looked hot for a second there!
MDL-
lol..true, all women look better than men in my case.
Meg-
Sounds like you’re gonna have a great one! Drink one for me
March 8, 2007 at 12:39 pm |
LAB-
Ha! That’s what I been trying to tell ya’ll!!
March 8, 2007 at 1:12 pm |
Ok, check this out. Now someone may have mentioned this up there in comments I’m not sure. But it’s another truth you have yet to discuss.
Men who hit forty something need a little blue pill to get an erection.
Women in their forties no matter how poorly they’ve aged-do not.
Once you have an orgasm you need to wait til your little blue pill kicks in again.
We women are ready for multiples once we’ve had our first one. We don’t have a 30 minute wait til we recharge.
And all those beauty products in the isles? Yeah, sure overkill. But you know what….those of us who use ‘em….[I don't. I don't wear make up but I'm just speaking for those that do] we’re smokin’ hot sexy bitches.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
March 8, 2007 at 1:15 pm |
The cool thing is we may look older, we also live longer!! Love Ya
March 8, 2007 at 2:18 pm |
Hmmm, I was all with you on arguments 1 and 2? But with the Renee Z? She’s not aging? She’s just scary looking without makeup. As are other famous females whose names I can’t seem to recall right now. Wow! I’d make a great addition to the debate team! Sign me up!
March 8, 2007 at 2:50 pm |
Hmmm, interesting post – but I thought men age faster? Supposedly they are healthy and okay BEFORE marriage, and afterwards, they go downhill. I did hear this on some 20/20 thing…
March 8, 2007 at 3:03 pm |
Maybe it’s the make up that ages women faster. It’s all a huge conspiracy between the make-up companies and the anti-age cream companies.
I’ve worn very little make up in my life, I’m 37, and people think I’m in my 20s.
Then again, I’ve never been married so I haven’t had to deal with a man full time, so maybe it is men who make women age faster.
I thought men lived longer if they were married. And women lived longer if they stayed single.
March 8, 2007 at 3:32 pm |
I think you’re onto something there, slick! Since I’m older than hubby, he says he married me ’cause I’ll collect social security first…….LOL….what a shit, huh?
March 8, 2007 at 4:15 pm |
that was really a horrible thing to see just before I’m off to bed.
March 8, 2007 at 7:09 pm |
You’re absolutely right, women do age faster than men. But that’s okay, because we outlive your asses!
March 8, 2007 at 9:05 pm |
I think there’s a lot more going on under her makeup that just aging.
March 8, 2007 at 9:31 pm |
women definately Mature Faster!!!
and that picture is just scary…..
March 9, 2007 at 2:30 am |
Hey!!!! I’m another one who wants to know what the hell happened when Trish got home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 10, 2007 at 12:12 pm |
I blame all of my wrinkles on the Sun and the men in my life.
March 11, 2007 at 12:41 am |
Women live longer than men.
QED.
March 12, 2007 at 3:34 pm |
Lynda-
Well, you get some brownie points but women age faster than men naturally. make up is just a cover up.
Well, I am going to be the exception and not the rule.
March 12, 2007 at 3:35 pm |
How do you explain Michael Jackson? Supposedly male. Wears makeup?
As your new advisor, maybe you should do a post on that. LOL
March 15, 2007 at 12:01 am |
Men age faster than women usually because they don’t take care of themselves and it shows in the jowls and beer gut.